Unconditional Permission to Eat
When you read this phrase, "unconditional permission to eat", what emotions and thoughts do you have. You might be experiencing feelings of uneasiness. You may feel on guard. And maybe your first thoughts are that you can't trust yourself around food enough to experience this.Stay with me here. Even though you feel like unconditional permission with food is going to take you to a place of not being able to step away from the refrigerator or pantry, I think you'll come away from this post here with some different thoughts.Unconditional permission to eat in our society brings visions of not being able to stop with food, of binging and feeling out of control with food. We're told that food is good, but yet we have to have our guard up around it. We can enjoy it, but we can't love it too much.
We're taught that deprivation is a strength, that self-sacrifice and self-discipline is to be praised. And yet, research tells us otherwise.
Wanna get a little nerdy for a sec? Ok, so deprivation with food kicks in a primal experience with your brain. Think about the last diet you went on, or think about the last time you vowed to eat "better" or "cleaner". It was easy at first, right? When your brain first senses deprivation you can easily handle it. You have enough will-power to ignore any past desire for that cream-filled donut you love or the chocolate croissant at your favorite coffee shop. You can eat a snack of celery and hummus and feel fine, maybe even empowered, because you went with celery as opposed to chips.But with time, your will-power dwindles. It becomes harder and harder to rely on will power and eventually some form of over-eating typically ensues.
Can you think about a time this was the case for you? Maybe you started off on a new diet and you were super excited about it! You were excited about a possible change in your body, promised new-found confidence, and being able to "achieve" something. Diets really are an exciting thing at first...but then they fail. And notice that I said, "THEY FAIL."Your body, your brain, isn't made to withstand any form of restriction. Whether it's restriction because of actually not having food in the house because of poverty to going on another juice cleanse. Restriction is restriction. And what inevitably will happen is the foods that you're restricting will become more and more enticing until you take a bite of whatever food it is that you've had off-limits. And more likely than not, it's not just one bite or one cookie...it's all or nothing and 3 donuts later, or a bag of chips later, you feel helpless, guilty, and like a failure. But not because you're a failure. Dieting fails you because physically and psychologically we can't withstand restriction.
And if you're like I was and have "really strong will-power"...
...and can't relate much with overeating despite you having foods off-limits, let me just say that, as someone who's been there and now eats freely and very intuitively, living with such strong will-power with food is exhausting and miserable. No, maybe you're not entering each weekend craving to eat a whole tub of ice cream. But living with a mentality of restriction, of self-discipline with food, will (and maybe already has) WORN. YOU. OUT. Again, I've been there. And life here now with full permission to eat is so much more enjoyable!
So how do we eat, then, if not following a diet or set of rules we've made ourselves surrounding food? Full permission to eat may sound daunting but actually IS how to feel more at peace with food and more confident with your ability to trust your body around food. Seems ironic, but is true and a research-based concept. When you have full permission to eat, food no longer has the same pull on you that it used to when you were dieting. It no longer depletes you mentally because you can easily take it or leave it. That ice cream in your freezer? It no longer "calls your name" each night asking you to eat the whole thing. No, instead you're able to know you have ice cream in your freezer and if it sounds good you eat it, and if not, you don't. It's as simple as that.And yet I know, with years of restricting food, this is tough. Just like practicing anything that we haven't used in a while, full permission to eat takes time.
Let's talk about some fears you probably have right now with practicing full permission with food.
So probably the most common fear is that you won't be able to stop eating. To this fear, let me just say that I understand. Your relationship with food for a lot of your life has been centered on either being on a diet or off a diet. And because of deprivation when you were on a diet, being off a diet felt very out of control with food. And so, naturally, to give full permission with food feels scary and like you'll never gain control with food. But remember, the reason you felt out of control with food in the past was because you either had just come off of a diet and your body sensed deprivation or you deep inside knew that eventually, you'd have to go on a diet again. So by getting rid of the thought of you going on another diet, you can just eat. And food becomes just food, not something you'll have to give up on Monday.
Another common fear is that you won't ever eat another healthy food ever again and your diet will consist of all the "unhealthy" things that you had tried so hard to not eat in the past. To this, case after case shows that when foods aren't labeled as "diet food" and "non-diet food", people eat a majority of healthy, nutritious foods and less nutritious foods less frequently and less quantity. I've seen this with my own 1:1 coaching clients. Food freedom doesn't mean eating unhealthy all the time, but rather allows you to enjoy both healthy foods and less healthy foods more and in a healthy balance.
So I wanted to share a few thoughts on where to get started if you crave freedom...
1. List out all the foods you enjoy or foods that sound appealing to you. And take this out into your day...if you are out hanging with friends who want to go get burgers and you typically order a salad, notice if you have any inkling inside of you that wants a burger. If so, add it to your list.
2. Now, notice any foods on your list that you don't let yourself eat. For me, a big one was letting myself eat french fries. Put a little star next to these foods.
3. Now, choose one food that you starred and make a plan to go eat that food, whether it's getting it from the grocery store or going out to a restaurant and eating it.
4. Keep practicing eating that food with full permission (*this may feel forced at first), and with each eating experience with that food, it will lose its forbidden aspect.
Something to just note...in order to be able to mentally work towards peace with food and full permission, you have to first be honoring your hunger regularly. If you are not tuning into your hunger and eating with hunger, it'll be much more difficult to practice full permission with food.What this exercise does is it builds up habituation with your off-limits foods. It takes away the "forbidden" aspect. It also builds trust with yourself and proves to yourself that YOU. CAN. EAT. WITH. FULL. PERMISSION!Note, at first, especially with a history of restriction, you may find yourself eating more of this food than is comfortable. But know this...you do not fail with this practice. Each and every eating experience, whether you eat to a comfortable place with that food or you eat past fullness, is a way to get to know yourself better and to learn from yourself. Use each experience as an opportunity to build up your skills as an intuitive eater, as someone who eats with full permission!I fully believe in you and know that you can experience this freedom!