Why I Finally Decided to Go To Therapy
Therapy. Such a scary word to some. It definitely was to me. I thought I could figure everything out on my own. But I finally realized my own ability to work through my issues was limited and skittishly walked through the door to my first day of therapy. And it was the best decision I could have ever made for myself. The best action I ever took towards healing my relationship with food and moving forward in my own self care.
Some of you know my story. If you don't I shared it here. Basically I learned that my own fears and anxieties with food had nothing to do with food, but were my way of coping with some things that were going on in my life at the time. More on that here in a bit.But in order to get to a place of understanding with my eating disorder, I had to do some work. I needed to talk through things that I didn't know were related to my inability to eat cake without feeling guilty. I needed to work through my understanding of what true health looks like for me and why it's important to have a whole person approach.
That's why I needed therapy.
But this wasn't easy. No one starts off wanting to go to therapy. No one starts off wanting to spill their guts to a stranger and trusting them to help you through things you don't even know are an issue at the time.
I didn't want to go for a couple of reasons. Number one being, my pride. I was so prideful and so resistant to admitting that I had anything wrong with me. I was filled with pride that I could figure everything out on my own. I thought I could just live my life the way I was without any worries. But now I know I would have been so miserable, so unhealthy, and potentially, if I had kept down the same road I was on at the time, maybe not even made it through.
Second reason I didn't want to go to therapy was that I thought therapy was for people with "bigger problems" than what I had. I thought my own anxieties with food were nothing abnormal from what everyone else dealt with on a regular basis. Now I know that just because so many of the other girls I knew had their own variations of fear of food and dissatisfaction with their bodies doesn't make it right.So, I'm thankful to God that I finally made my first appointment to go to therapy. Looking back, this was the start of my very long journey to where I am today.
It was never about the food.
Like I mentioned above, I realized my issues with food and my body really had nothing to do with the food, but everything to do with my own desire for control at a time when things felt like they were all out of my control. It was my way of coping with things going on in my teenage years in the same way that some teens get involved with drugs or alcohol or cutting. I used my restriction of food as a punishment to myself for things I couldn't control but also as a way of comforting myself.
I love it when my clients make this connection for themselves, when they realize that food has nothing to do with the reason they feel a lack of self discipline or the reason they are so dissatisfied with their bodies or the reason they keep feeling the need to turn to dieting. That light bulb moment that happens when they see that by working through the things of their past and what they're dealing with in other areas of their lives in the present they're finally able to make peace with food and their bodies. Because the food was just used to cope. It was never what was out to get them. It was never the enemy. And therefore they can finally be at peace. You can be at peace!
Learning new coping mechanisms.
I don't think I really thought about this then, but therapy taught me that what I was doing to cope...restrict food and over exercise...wasn't a healthy way of dealing with uncertain times. We're all going to have times in our lives or circumstances that make us feel out of control, that is undeniable. But learning ways to healthily work through those times can help us become even stronger through them! For me, I've learned to not worry about things I can not change. I've started journaling my thoughts and speaking them out loud with people I trust. I've learned to focus on things that matter and let my time mirror those things.
Each of us have different ways in which we do better as far as coping goes. So I'd encourage you to just start something and see how you do with it! It can be anything from journaling, meditation, yoga, breathing exercises...what makes each of these practices such good practices for coping is that they help you to mindfully think through and work through the problem at hand instead of, what unhealthy coping mechanisms do, get you to ignore them or punish yourself through them. I'd love to hear what you do!
Being brave.
Going to therapy means maybe going out of your comfort zone and doing something you don't want to do. That's how it was for me. But I had to do that hard thing to find healing. Healing your relationship with food isn't always easy. It's not always comfortable. It takes time. But that's what makes it worth pushing through to. Because things that take time are oftentimes the things that are most meaningful in your life. That's my experience anyway. I had to be brave enough to say "yes" to therapy even when I had my doubts that it would do anything for me. I had to be brave enough to open up that first time about what was REALLY going on. And you know what? I never once regretted it.
Have you had any experience with therapy? What about sharing your story and struggles with someone? Let's all share below!
**If you're ready to say "yes" to working with someone I'd love to get to know you! Schedule your free discovery call here and we can find out if counseling is right for you!