When Friends and Family Don't Understand Intuitive Eating

It can be a difficult thing when those you're close to don't understand your new relationship with food and don't understand what you're talking about when you say you're practicing intuitive eating. They may still be talking about their recent attempts at dieting or what the latest health documentary is saying isn't good for you. It can be discouraging and hard to get them to understand where you're at. I wanted to share some thoughts today on how to approach friends and family who don't understand intuitive eating and how you can stand up for your truths, even if they don't agree.

Sometimes, for me, it feels like I'm speaking a different language around friends and family who are still dieting, counting calories, and making every conversation about food and weight. It can be discouraging, having found freedom with intuitive eating, because it just seems that so many people in my life really don't understand. But what keeps me grounded is knowing my own truths and speaking out with love while having grace on others who may not quite understand yet.

This attitude of speaking out of love with grace is SO important with family members and friends who may not be where you're at yet. Which is ok! You've started this journey towards making peace with food and loving on your body through intuitive eating and it can be frustrating because you just want to share it with everyone you know!But on the other hand, it can also be difficult because your environment and still in our world there's a lot of diet culture and you have to do a lot of work to pull apart and accept what is true while disregarding the things you know are not true for you anymore. If you don't first start with your truths, it can be easy to fall back into dieting and restricting.

So how do you approach those conversations? Those articles that friends bring up that are saturated with diet culture? How do you stay true to your truths, the ones you've found through the work you've done on your own relationship with food and have discovered has made you your healthiest self? 

KNOW WHAT'S TRUE FOR YOU, AND STAND FOR THAT

One thing that can help if you're struggling with people in your life not understanding what you mean when you talk about intuitive eating is knowing that just because it's not a truth for them doesn't mean your truth changes. This can be especially helpful when you're eating dinner with family and the conversation turns to talk about a recent diet trend. You can simply know that just because they may believe in that as a truth for them, that doesn't' mean it has to be a truth for you. You've tried the whole restrictive or dieting approach to living and it did not bring you joy or life...you know this for yourself and therefore choose what you know is true...a peace with all foods approach. It's not your job to change everyone around you. And it's ok that your beliefs are different. 

WHAT ARE YOUR VALUES?

Think through your values. What do you value, what do you treasure most, when it comes to living the life you want to live? If you've been practicing intuitive eating for a while, or you're brand new to it but have realized that the dieting/restricting lifestyle isn't for you, what makes you believe in this way? You probably value freedom, joy, self-care, wellness without obsession, mental health, and social health. 

IDENTIFY DIET TALK FOR WHAT IT IS, BUT HAVE GRACE FOR THOSE STILL HELD TO DIET CULTURE.

Knowing your truths and your values can help you to identify diet talk when it occurs around you and what this does is it helps you pinpoint things that aren't your truth anymore. When you hear it now, you may feel emotions like anger and frustration. But something to keep in mind is, again, those sayings and beliefs are no longer your beliefs. And you can have grace for those people in your life who are talking about their latest cleanse or talking about having a "cheat day" because you know what it was like to live in that and you honestly are saddened for those who still live in bondage. Recognizing diet talk and taking an approach of grace and sadness for those who are still trapped by fear and restriction can further help you to stand firm in your truths and beliefs for how you want to live your life. 

KEEP LEARNING FROM THOSE WHO SHARE YOUR VALUES AND TRUTHS

There will never be a day where you can say you've learned all you can about your body and intuitive eating/living. I still learn so much every single day. And our bodies and lives are ever changing! So it's important to continue to be fed truths that you stand by with those new values that you have. A couple of ways I like to do this is by reading uplifting books, books that add to my knowledge of intuitive eating and knowledge of my body from a non-diet approach. I also follow only people who bring me joy and align with my values on social media. Keep adding to your toolbox, those truths and values that will help you during times when you're in situations where family and/or friends don't understand and may start talking about things that are triggering.

A word on talk that is triggering for you...Depending on your history with food and your body there may be certain things that come up, either images or words or things people say that are triggering. That means, they make you feel like you have to diet again or count calories or think a certain way about food and your body that does not align with your new truths. As you continue to work on being intuitive, trusting your body, and making peace with food, these triggers become less and less powerful. In the beginning though, you may need to protect yourself from triggers altogether. This means, completely unfollowing anyone on social media that is a trigger, sensing a conversation may turn triggering and trying to walk away or change the subject. It takes a lot of bravery to do this, I know. But you are brave and strong enough to fight the pull diet culture has on you! And know that little by little, these triggers become less and less triggering until you're able to listen to people talking about a diet and honestly know for yourself that you have no interest in participating. Lastly, I wanted to encourage you to share what you're learning about your body and food freedom with those in your life! Be bold! Stand up for what you know is true! You could be the reason someone finds freedom from disordered eating or dieting. 

I hope this was helpful for you and gives you some tools for approaching those tough situations where diet culture seems to be the main influence for people in your life. I'd love to hear your stories of how you apply the principles above into your own life and conversations!