Why Losing Weight Won’t Fix Your Body Image

This week we’re going to be continuing our body image series. And...I have an exciting announcement that I have a brand new course on body image called “Enough” inside The Nourish Lab. If you are tired of feeling like you can’t be confident in the body you have and you want freedom from never feeling good enough in your body, come join us!

Last week you learned about how the goal with body image isn’t to love your body. If you missed that episode don’t worry, these episodes can be listened to individually but you may want to later on go back and listen to that one. Today we’re going to be talking about why losing weight won’t fix your body image. 

So when I was in college I got down to my lowest weight as an adult. All through high school and college I made it my goal to basically be as small as I could possibly be. I had an image in my head of the body that I wanted and did everything I could to achieve that body. And I did achieve that body. And I remember very vividly the moment I stepped on the scale in this “ideal body” I panicked.

This was not the reaction I thought getting to my “ideal” body size would give me. I fully expected to feel relief and happiness. But to my surprise all I felt was this sense of fear.

I realized in that moment that this body I had “achieved” happened because I had been severely restricting what I’d been eating and exercising so extremely. And the realization hit me... that if this was my ideal body, I would have to continue doing all that I was doing to get to this place and basically be miserable for the rest of my life just to keep it up.

I wasn’t happy. I didn’t feel free… in fact, I felt very trapped in this body of mine.

Can you relate?

I later realized that what I was searching for, what I was hoping a smaller body would give me, wouldn’t come from a lower weight, smaller thighs, or a thinner stomach.

Looking back, when I got to the core of what I really wanted, I didn’t really want to be smaller. I wanted to feel enough, accepted, whole. And those things weren’t going to come from getting to a certain size. I’d tried that and it left me feeling empty and disappointed.

Maybe you’ve believed that if you just lost “x” amount of pounds that you’d feel good in your body. But body image isn’t a weight issue. It’s a heart issue. So losing weight won’t change your body image. In fact, when I’ve talked with women about this very thing, most of the time they share with me that their body image was worse when they were in a smaller body, their unnatural body.

When you get to the root of your body image, you’ll start to see that there’s something else that you want, something else you feel you don’t have. 

To get to the root, I have a few questions to ask yourself. If you want to grab a pen and paper and jot these down to come back to, that is always helpful… Why do I want to lose weight? What do I believe losing weight will give me? Why do I feel like I can’t have those things in the body I have right now?

Did that give you some clarity?

Usually, the answers I hear to these questions are wanting to feel enough, accepted, loved, beautiful. 

These desires will never be met by losing weight because, again, it’s not a weight issue. It’s a heart issue. And the need we have isn’t fully fulfilled by weight loss.

One way to think about our hearts and our deepest needs is like a puzzle. You have this need to be accepted, loved, worthy and each of these has a different shaped spot in your heart. Now, weight loss is like trying to fit a piece of cotton (or something else flimsy) in the space in the puzzle. It can fill the hole, but it doesn’t complete the puzzle right? It’s not even a puzzle piece at all. It feels like progress because it can fit in the space, but you would never say that it completes the puzzle, right?

So, what will fill your hole? That space for feeling enough, feeling confident, feeling accepted?

Accepting your body, your here and now body. Respecting your body. Choosing to care for and respect your body… all the things we talked about in last week’s episode on why the goal isn’t to love your body. Doing things you love, things you want to do, without waiting to lose weight. Doing things that scare you, but that you know will lead you to grow… things like hiring a coach (shameless plug here), going to therapy, taking the job, making the career change, deciding to stay home with your kids, forgiving someone you love who’s hurt you, moving to a new city.

Maybe you’re starting to see more and more that body image isn’t about a size at all. No matter what jean size you are, you can decide today to make choices for a better relationship with your body. 

Where to start?

So what are some of these things to start with for a better body image? I thought we could end with a few next steps for you.

1) Get rid of your scale

2) Clean out your closet of old clothes that don’t fit (clothes you’re hoping you’ll fit in one day...so you keep them around)

3) Do one thing that you’ve been waiting until you lose weight to do

What’s your next step?

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P.S. For more support in this area, be sure to check out The Nourish Lab for self-paced growth on all things body image and intuitive eating, coaching, and a supportive community. There you’ll find my course, “Enough”, all about body image and self-worth! I can’t wait to see you inside!