What if You Feel Like You're Living in an Unfamiliar Body

Feeling confident in your body is especially challenging when you feel like the body you're living in is unfamiliar. I know how hard this is... to wake up and feel yourself in your body, see yourself in your body, and feel like everything about your body is unfamiliar and foreign. Loving your body through change, in those times where your body feels different, may feel unattainable. But, just like any change, there is so much we can learn from ourselves even through the discomfort of living in an unfamiliar body.

Our bodies are ever-changing. They are fluid, not static. Even over the course of a day, we can feel different in our bodies from the moment we wake up to when we go to bed.

We are made to believe that body change is bad. Images we see of "healthy" women look like how some of us may have looked in middle or high school. Especially as women, body change is such a natural and healthy part of our life. From all the changes we go through in puberty, to our full adult bodies, to pregnancy and postpartum for some of us, to menopause.

Body change shouldn't be something we fear, but rather something we celebrate among women. But with, again, the pressure society puts on us to "stay small", no wonder we feel like change is failure and why we feel uncomfortable in a body that suddenly changed and now feels unfamiliar.

There are two main instances in my life where I've felt what it's like to be in an unfamiliar body. But the crazy thing is, the response to each was completely different.

When I was in middle school, I remember for the first time noticing that my body looked different than a lot of the other girls. I got my period at the end of 5th grade and went through all of the changes that happen after that before a lot of my friends. I got taller and was bigger than a lot of the other girls. I felt clumsy and awkward (don't we all at this lovely time of our lives :) ).

I thought, if only I could be smaller like the other girls and not stand out so much, I'd feel so much better. Looking back, I was so insecure and afraid of being noticed. And this is a lot of what led me to develop an eating disorder and obsession with exercise. I wanted so badly to control my body and keep it from changing. When I look back, I wanted to look like I did before puberty. I wanted to be smaller all around, in my hips, my boobs, my butt, my legs. And I used food and exercise to try and achieve that to an unhealthy measure.

Another big moment in my life where my body felt unfamiliar was in pregnancy and postpartum. As my baby and belly grew in pregnancy, again I felt awkward. Seeing changes of course in my belly, but also my hips and boobs and, towards the end, my face felt uncomfortable and unlike me. And then in postpartum suddenly having another change with saggy skin and what felt like a totally different body from how my body was before getting pregnant.

But the difference here was that I didn't fear change. My relationship with my body had a much deeper connection than I did when I was in middle school through college. It was based on love and respect instead of fear and control. I knew that even though my body felt foreign right now, it doesn't mean it'll feel like this forever. Just like how I grew to feel comfortable and ultimately got to know my adult body, I'd get to know and feel comfortable and familiar in this new body.  Because of this foundation, my response to change and living in a body that felt unfamiliar was to be kind, show respect, and empathize with her. I could accept that though this body is new and different, she's still the same body. She is still me. And I love that about her.I knew that this discomfort I felt in the moment wouldn't be forever. I knew that with time she'd grow to be familiar again.

If you are in the midst of feeling uncomfortable in a body that feels unfamiliar, know that you're not alone. But I wanted to share some things that can help during the time between when your body goes through change and feeling comfortable in it. The first is, remember that body change is normal. Our culture instills in us the belief that body change is bad, but it's part of nature in us. Nature is constantly changing and so are we.

Next, remember that this discomfort will not last forever. Your body may feel unfamiliar right now, but just like with all changes we go through, we adapt and what once felt foreign will suddenly feel completely normal.Lastly, love on and respect your body through change. Can you show your body kindness and respect through these changes. She still deserves respect even though she's changed. She is still yours. I know living in and showing respect to a body that feels different can be really scary. But you are so brave for choosing kindness and grace towards your body right now. The beauty of change is that it challenges us, it tests us, but we grow so much through it. And this is no different.